Today’s affirmation: I am in charge, I now take my own power back.
Yesterday when my husband got home from work, before he even said hi to me, I had already apologized to him twice.
He hadn’t said a word, but I felt guilty enough about two separate things that I was already apologizing.
He’s not an authoritarian monster or anything. He’s a sincerely nice guy who was genuinely confused as to why I was saying “sorry” about stuff that he hadn’t even thought about or noticed or considered.
The problem was me.
I’m the one setting up unattainable expectations and projecting them onto my husband.
He doesn’t care if dinner isn’t ready the second he’s home, but for some reason I think it should and then when it’s not I get mad at myself.
He doesn’t care if the living room is messy when he gets home, but I think it should be clean when he comes in the door.
Should, should, should.
I’m demanding so much of myself in the name of should.
I’m not being kind to myself.
I’m def not loving myself.
I’m beating myself up for silly things instead of being at peace with who I am and what I do in a day.
I’m basing my self-worth off of accomplishments and to-do lists.
My self-worth is not dependent on what I do or don’t do on any giving day. I am worthy of love and respect simply because I AM. The end.
And while I can say this and know it’s true on a head level, I’ve gotta get it on a heart level.
Because here’s the thing…
No one is going to fight for me…
My husband and friends can encourage me to love myself. They can tell me to change my self-talk. They can point out where I’m lacking in self-love, but they can’t change it for me.
They can’t fight for me.
I have to fight for myself.
Likewise you have to fight for yourself.
If you want to be happier then YOU have to do the work.
If you want to be healthier then YOU have to do the work.
If you want to ease up on the unattainable expectations you have on yourself then you have to do the work. No one can do it for you.
It’s all in your head. It’s all in my head. We are the ones that have to fight, that have to battle with our inner demons, that have to change our outlook on life and ourselves.
It’s not easy, but it’s necessary if we want to be who we’ve always wanted to be and live the life we’ve always wanted to live.
For me, that means I’m no longer going to apologize for silly things that no one but me cares about. I’m going to stop putting so much effort into pleasing other people and start finding ways to please myself.
And I’m going to remind myself constantly that I am worthy of love and respect regardless of what I do or don’t do.
It’s time to fight for me because no one else can.
It’s time for you to fight for you.
Empowering Words: The difference between successful people and others is how long they spend time feeling sorry for themselves.” – Barbara Corcoran
This is day five of my 2018 series “The Year I Learn to Love Myself.” You can get the lowdown on the series here on my day one post.