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20 Tantrums I Want to Throw

photo credit: launceston_lad via photopin cc
photo credit: launceston_lad via photopin cc

As the mother of both a 2.5 year old and an 19-month old, I am in the trenches Tantrum-Dome. They range in volume and intensity. The tactics change from turning into a wet noodle in protest to charging at me raging-rhino style. It’s a way of life right now and I know that someday they will grow out of this phase.

Thank goodness for that.

If kids didn’t grow out of tantrums—if it was socially acceptable for adults to throw them, too—these are just a few reasons I would be throwing one heck of a fit.

1. Why can’t my coffee just stay hot all the time?!

2. My smoky eye doesn’t make me look sexy—it makes me look like a raccoon who’s been in a bar fight!

3. I don’t want to shave my legs! I need the hair for warmth!

4. Why do I have to feed you people every single day?

5. I know I put matching socks into the washing machine! Where did they go?

6. I got a hole in my yoga pants in a spot where I can no longer justify still wearing them!

7. This overpriced cream in a thimble-sized jar does not make me look younger—it makes me look like Krusty the Clown!

8. How are we out of whiskey?!

9. It’s not “playing by yourself” if you keep coming over every three seconds to show me your block tower!

10. I’m going to hold my breath until EVERYONE IN THE WORLD stops singing “Let It Go.”

11. You’ll have to drag me kicking and screaming out of bed. I’m not getting up. I’m not I’m not I’m not!

12. Magic erasers are not magic unless they work by themselves!

13. I just want to have a bowel movement without it being broadcast to the world by my toddler!

14. The dryer shrunk my jeans again!

15. I showed my hairdresser what I wanted my hair to look like and I do not look like Jenifer Aniston!

16. No, I will not share my dinner with you!

17. Dirty laundry goes in the clothes hamper! Not near the hamper, under the hamper, or behind the hamper. IN THE HAMPER.

18. Who ate the last of the ice cream?!

19. Stop staring at the bags under my eyes, whippersnapper! You’ll have them someday!

20. Why do you kids have to be so cute?! It makes it really hard to be mad at you!

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