Secrets aren’t my thing. Transparency is my thing. This is why I tell you how I never wanted kids, how I went crazy, how hard this motherhood thing is, etc. I want you to feel like you know me even though we’ve never met. I want you to know I’m a real mom with real struggles and a real awesome sense of humor.
Which is why I’m telling you this.
I’m done being a stay-at-home mom.
My husband and I have talked about this extensively and have decided that if I can bring in enough money to offset the cost of daycare, then we’re going to go that route.
Allow me to explain.
My children have a secure bond to me and my husband. They love us and trust us. I’ve been an unplanned stay-at-home mom for almost three years now and I think I’ve reached my limit.
I feel I have come as far as I can when it comes to being a stay-at-home mom to my two toddlers. I feel like I’m doing my children a disservice keeping them home with me when there are places out there in the world with teachers who have gone to school to learn what to do with toddlers. I’m tired of staying up late to get my writing work done but I can’t give it up. Writing and editing makes me feel that I have a purpose, a goal, a dream worth fighting for. But I’m tired of sacrificing my sleep and well-being and relationship with my family for it. So I can either give it up or find a better way to manage things.
That “better way” is to find one or two more writing gigs or a writing/editing job I can do from home.
I will feel accomplished and fulfilled by being able to write and be creative and get work done.
I will be able to go to bed at a decent hour because I know I’ll have the next day to work.
I will get a break from my children and have a chance to miss them and therefore look forward to when they come home.
My children will learn valuable educational and social skills in an environment that isn’t, ya know, our apartment.
My husband will have his wife back on weekends instead of just a zombie woman who mutters to him, “I’m taking a nap” before passing out for three hours on both Saturday and Sunday because she’s so exhausted from everything.
You can call me selfish. You can tell me to buck up, that I signed up for this, that this is my job and everything else is secondary.
But I believe this is the best course for the sanity and stability of all of us.
While I don’t believe I can have it all, I do believe this is pretty close. And who knows? Maybe we’ll try it and find out it doesn’t work for our family after all. But I have to exhaust all of my options as I search for a way to find the balance in this adventure called life.
So… anyone wanna hire me?